Dream Becoming Reality

Since I was first asked “What is wrong with your nose?” when I was about 10 years old I have wanted it to look better. I used to sit and dream what I would look like “normal.” Having a funny looking nose was a struggle for me through jr.high and high-school…it seemed like popularity was judged my looks and not personality. When I was 16, I had my first round of surgery on my nose---I expected it to look perfect---in one word-NORMAL. I was crushed when it looked almost the same…but a little better. The frustration grew as I began working with children and the constant questioning. There were times I wanted to hide under a paper bag or under my covers so I didn’t have to face the world. Then I went to college and met friends and people who saw past something I didn’t like and saw a funny girl with a quirky sense of humor. When in college my parents would ask me if I wanted to have surgery again and I would always say no. The Lord directed me to teach in Florida. He brought some precious people on my life---who very kindly asked me about having surgery and I was against it at the time. About seven years later after my mom and dad suggested to have surgery again and over two years later after a precious couple asked about it I have decided it is time.

I have to admit that I have had my doubts. I have to admit I wanted to change my mind and decide not to have surgery. I wonder if it’s the Lord’s will. Then I look back at last October when I went to the doctor for ringworm and how “I want to have nose surgery” came out of my mouth—without me planning it. I look at the neurologist who I went to and how he referred me to a plastic surgeon who specializes in plastic reconstructive surgery and was an ENT doctor. I look how the Lord worked out the insurance issues and the people praying who had no idea what was going on. I know that this is the Lord’s will.

I am doing my best not to have high-expectations on looking perfect or my nose being normal…it never will be. But I am excited about looking better and hopefully being able to use this as a testimony. I am hoping that this will not keep me from being embarrassed to go door to door visitation---

But as  I think of outward appearance's I hope people see past my flaws and see Christ in my life---that’s my prayer—that others will see Jesus in me.

Late Night Thots

Three more Tuesdays...thats it after this...three more Tuesdays then I will have my operation. People at church ask how I am feeling about it....


MIXED EMOTIONS: this is a BIG change...I mean the doctor is removing the right side of my nose then rebuilding it...scary---I wish I knew what it would look like after he's done...but THAT my friend will be a surprise even to me...I think am I doing the right thing? I think  am I ready for this. I've even had thoughts of I don't want to do this....is this the Lord's Will? 


NERVOUSNESS: nervous about being "put under"--- nervous about the pain...nervous about how I am going to look after the surgery

EXCITED- The years and years of my parents and friends suggesting I have surgery again and not wanting to and finally seeing how the Lord has worked it ALL out in HIS timing....excited about the possibility of looking normal and not being scared or embarrased to go out in public....to go to visitation....to think they are staring....


Worried: how am I going to pay for a expensive operation even though insurance is helping with it...but deep down I know the Lord will provide and I try NOT to worry.

But then I look at myself in the mirror and I do not see a big nose on the right side, nor a crooked mouth....I see someone that God made special and someone that God is allowing to have a surgery and a normal nose a young girl has so longed for for many years. 

As I write this there is only 21 days until my surgery...seemed like yesterday it was over 100!!! (maybe if I am brave enough I will post before, recovering, and after pics--but better yet maybe just before and after!)

Five Minute Friday: Deep Breath

Well, yesterday it was hard to sit down and actually write for five-minutes--one blogger was down most of the day and two I went from teaching, to Starbucks, to daycare work, to running errands, and to a friends birthday party. But its that time now for me to turn on Pandora radio and join the Gypsy Mama for my favorite time of the week---Five Minute Fridays. This weeks topic Deep Breath----

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BREATHE----May is the busiest and most tiring part of the year for teachers....we are winding down everything trying to get everything done before school ends. The students are anxious and I am anxious. They know even at four and five years old school is almost over and I am ready for school to be over so I can see my family  and have my surgery. This is the time of the year I may be short-tempered with my students because they KNOW how to act...but DEEP BREATH!

I need to enjoy the last few weeks with my student and make them memorable and special. I have only a few more weeks to reach out to my parents and to my students---it may be the last time I see most of them at school....

Five Minute Friday: Motherhood should come with...

It is Friday and that means three things....1) Five minute fridays 2) staying up late 3) No annoying alarm clock....This weeks topic is "Motherhood should come with..." Well, how will I do this one since I am not a mother??? Have no idea...well I do have an idea so here it goes...(cough cough) I am doing my own twist...from a daughter's perspective and what I thought mother's HAD when I was growing up (which now that I am older I know they don't) and also my tribute to my mom----time to stop babbling and write (if you know me...well it takes me awile sometimes to get to my point).

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My mom was a nurturer, provider, and my teacher. Mom and I had (and at times still have) our moments of dissagreement. I think its because mom and I are a lot of alike...high strung and dramatic. =) But growing up I always thought that the doctors and nurses and the pastor gave my mom books on "How To Bring Up Your Daugher" "How to Embarass Your Daughter" and "What Not to Do" Boy was I wrong. =)  Now just to let you know I am a bit witty sometimes and the previous sentence is my wittiness coming through--seriously.

I love my mom and would do anything for her---there were times I drove all the way from Florida to NC in one day to make sure mom was okay- My mom sacraficed a lot so I can get a good education and the things I needed. Several years would go by when I would get a new church dress and mom wouldn't because she wanted to make sure Beth and I had a nice Sunday dress. She would stay up late helping me with my homework. She would take the time to sew a button on a shirt or sew a rip in the seam of a dress. She took my black formal and added straps to it so I can wear it. She would stay at schoool late when I had ball pratice or a game. She made sure my tummy was full before going to bed. Mom introduced me to reading and taught me how to read (and for that I am very thankful)---she brought the Little House on the Prarie series of shows into my life and I have loved the series ever since. She would let me play in the rain and mud (making sure I was hosed off before).
But best of all MOM brought me to Christ and led me to the Lord on December 15, 1989. I love my mom and wish I could be in NC with her this weekend---
Oh can I add more thing although my times is up??? Mom dislikes traveling because of her fibromyalgia (sp?)--mom (and dad) are coming down next month to be with me when I have my surgery---=)

Mom I love you----Happy Mother's Day
The attached song is for YOU! (and for all the other moms out there too)

The Lost Art of True Beauty

Leslie Ludy's book The Lost Art of True Beauty was an encouragement and convicting book. True beauty lies deep in a woman's heart. It shows throught her eyes, her speech, and her smile. True Beauty really is skin deep.

The Lord (and the book) spoke to me about several issues in my own life that I need to work on.

--My cell phone use: I have gotten into the habit of texting when I am in groups of people and texting when I am even with a friend. Texting is not bad---but when I sit and text around my friends it had hinder my serving and blessing them and really being a friend/

--My house the way I keep it is a reflection of me. When it is messy it can tend to make me unhappy and also once again hinder being able to serve others in my home

((MORE TO COME)) =D

MIxed Emotions (What Should a Christian's Response Be?)

September 11, 2001- a day that I will never forget--a day that every time is comes around I think about where I was and the sadness in my heart that terrorists attacked us.

May 2, 2011-Nearly 10 years later the most wanted and saught out fugitive was finally found and killed---did I celebrate? NO Did I post on my facebook with tons of exclamation points that Osama was dead--no.

Instead of celebrating I have to admit I didn't know how to feel. I mean part of me wanted to run in the street and whoop for joy another part of me was sad because a man died without knowing Christ. Then I laid my head on my pillow and began to think...and thought hard---

Osama Bin Ladden in man's eyes was an evil and hateful man. But who am I to judge someone's actions?  Not me....although I also believe that mankind is responsible for what he does and should be punished for his sin---and Osama was punished he was killed.

But--Osama was a sinner I am a sinner and as a sinner I deserve the same thing Osama did---punishement in Hell. Thankfully, I saw my sins and my need for  a Savior and will not spend  eternity in hell. I am NO BETTER than Osama because of my sins---

When I heard the news my heart was saddened to hear of another soul that is perishing in hell. In this situation is is really hard to know how to feel about what it going on...