Something New

A dream of mine since my Patch Club days was to be like my mom and direct a children's program of some kinds. To me it looked like fun. Well this dream is defintly going to become a reality.  My administrator who has done kindergarten gradution for a long time....has handed over the torch to me. I get to direct my first children's program. How do I feel about it....well....excited and overwhelmed. I tend to be a perfectionist and want my kids to do a great job. I also feel a big resposibilty on my shoulders in having the opportunity and priviledge to be able to do this. I will have to admit I will msot likely have some stressful moments and Starbucks runs...but I know my kids and I will do an awesome job. This will also be a time for me to really trust the Lord.

I am a Dreamer

I am a bonified dreamer. I have all these little ideas in my head of things I want to do. Things from going skydiving to getting married. I always was getting in trouble at school for daydreaming too much. As years passed my dreams get more and more scarse....I do not know if its because I am getting older and less hopeful or coming to a sense of reality in my life. But I think deep down inside somewhere I still have dreams of being a concert pianist, getting married, going to Paris, etc. etc. etc.

One of my heartfealt dreams have always been to be a teacher. Not just a teacher but a teacher on the missionfield---oh and how I still dream that way today. My hearts desire is to someday go on the missionfield and teach---mainly teaching how to read. I also wanted to teach homemaking skills to villiage woman---like I said I have BIG dreams.....dreams that at times seems impossible to reach.....so I just keep on dreaming.

But, a "dream" or wish or hearts desire came true this past week at school. I have to admit I have been struggling alot at why I am a teacher....wondering if I am doing the right thing...wondering if I am a good teacher. I think its mainly the misbehavoir and discipline aspect that makes it hard for me. But, this past week a school parent told me something that her grand daughter said the night before---
"I wish I can read better so I can read the Bible and be a teacher just like Miss Page." What a blessing to my heart this was....especially after a very rough afternoon. This made all the hard situations with students {and parents} worthwhile in the end....I am doing what my heart has always desired to do. Teaching kids how to read for the sole purpose so they can read the Bible! Hearing and doing this makes my ministry and my job WORTH EVERYTHING in the end!!!!

I am going to keep dreaming and praying about going to the foreign missionfield someday, but for now Jacksonville, is my missionfield!!!! =D

Five Minute Friday: Real

Its Friday. Friday means the end of a busy work week, late night, and also Five Minute Friday blogging. I enjoy linking up with The Gypsy Mama, and joining in the wonderful unedited five minutes of writing. I love letting my fingers dance across my keyboard wondering deep down inside of any of my words are making sense. So now that my pandora radio station is playing, I am propped up against a pillow under my covers I am now ready to write.

Real

What is real in my life?
What is my life?

I am a teacher. I am a student (yes my students teach me a lot to). What is my purpose in teaching my fifteen students (10 boys, 5 girls) every Monday-Friday. Do I show them my real self---I have to admit they have seen me in ways that not even some of my friends have seen me. Am I being a true and real example to them and though my life showing them Christ.

What Do I Know About My God?

This past week my roommate (and friend) Joanna and I have started to do a weekly Bible study together. We talked about what we should do, and looked through my shelf of books. I happened to have the book by Mardi Collier What Do I Know About My God"  on my shelf. I have only read the first chapter and for some reason stopped reading it (bad habit of mine). This book so far has been a blessing and I cannot wait to really dig into it with Jo. This week we talked about Why do I NEED to Know God.  You know as a older Christian I have to admit I take the reasons why I have to know God for granted. I grew up in a Christian home, went to church when the door were opened, started ministry in the church at a young age visiting with my dad on the bus ministry, etc. I will have to save a whole other post for this topic that the Lord also has been working on in my life. But the Lord really showed me that God really wants me to get to know Him. There were six reasons (or points) why I need to know God.

1. Because God Wants Us to Know Him.
2. We can't love someone we don't know.
3. Because if we don't know the truth about our God we will believe Satan's lies
4. Because we need to make sure we are telling others the truth about God.
5. Because God has all the answers to life
6. Because life is ALL ABOUT GOD not me.

I will expound a little more on this this weekend.....good night friends~

"Boy Crazy Girl"

Saw this today and thought it was great! It has taken me a long time to be content in my singleness and realize that God is all I need. May I be the kind of girl that HE wants me to be. 

Long Week....Reflective Week....Hard Week...

What can I say...I am an honest person. I have to admit this has NOT been the easiest week to get through. For one, it dragged by like a turtle walking along the road. My students were...well lets just say I tried to be very patient to say the least. My body was here in Florida, but my heart and mind was in North Carolina (in case you were wondering if I were so dazed and out of it).

For one, I have come to realized I have had a very bad attitude....negative, pessimistic, and complaing attitude about EVERYTHING that came by way... school, my roommate, and things going on around me....After a Christmas break of a lot of complaing and grumpiness I came to realize the "happy go lucky Becca" had gone on her own vacation for months. The Lord has really been working on my heart to have a better attitude about things. Once the Lord really started working on my heart and I talked to Joanna, Amy, and some other people that hard shell started to peel away---and I have to admit its still peeling away slowly---VERY slowly. It is kinda funny...I was talking to a dear friend about this and she admitted that she had seen the same thing....and was worried about me and didn't want to say anything. Please pray as I try to be the joyful and thanful person I need to be.
This reflective part of the week has caused me to enjoy having a roommate again, trying not to have my own solitude and lock myself up in my room. The greatest thing I FINALLY talked to Joanna (my roommate) about it and everything took a wonderful turn. I was able to talk to her again like I wanted to....spend time with her...and be thankful for this wonderful, kind, patient, and loving roommate into my life. She has been a blessing to me--even today I sat down in her room as she was packing for a trp and told her about my dad....shared my heart with her---which is very hard to do since some circumstances came into my life----and life a TRUE friend and sister in Christ she prayed right there and then with me about my dad and that he will be okay and that I find the perfect peace and comfort while I am away.

The hardest part of my week was not being able to go home to NC to be with my daddy today for his surgery. Today especially was very emotional...on the outside I was smiling and pretending to be happy when on the outside I was crying and sad. It took me all afternoon to clean my classroom because I had so much on my mind.

I have also come to realize I have become spiritually stagnent. I feel that I am at a standstill in my life and I know the Lord is trying to pull me toward His Word. The "worldly" part of me wants to do my thing and make other things a priority when I should making God the priority in my life.

As I just wrote all the above I know one reason why I feel the way I do....grumpy, negative, and a bad attitude...I have been struggling spiritually....I am thankful though that no matter what God is always there to guide me. He is always there to be Patient. Even though I can be away from Him and not spend my quality time with Him--He is always there no matter what---Through every struggle and heartache--HE IS THERE.

I apologize for my ramblings and randomness....ALOT has been on my heart lately.

Five Minute Friday: Roar

It has been a LONG time since I have written with my five minute Friday friends. The weeks go by, I look at the topics and have writers block....even if I sit and think about what to write. But this topic this week is what is going inside my heart at the moment....a roaring.

Several years ago the most important man in my life, my dad, was diagnosed with sarcoma. As being a daddy's girl and my dad being my hero this was hard--of course I know it would be hard for any one to have any family or friend with cancer. I HATE cancer...I hate the word cancer.

My dad went into remission then several months later the cancer came back....they had to do a second surgery. The tumor came back as cancer again. There was roaring inside my soal to be mad at GOD and the doctors. I dd not know what to do except to pray....and really turn to God.

This fall dad had his port cath taken out---my mind thinks "yay!!! dad is done with cancer!!!"

THEN....December comes and he has an MRI and they found a suspiscious spot....guess what...yep you're right he has to have surgery again. My heart is sad, I don't know what to do...I have an intent to return to fill out for next year.....and then my heart feels like this cycle is beginning again....

I know in my heart that I shouldn't get ahead of myself---but being honest it is....I mean in my mind I am having a lot of roaring "what ifs." But there is also another roaring in my heart that it may not be really anything...that maybe dad will be okay....that maybe its a malignent tumor this time.....

I have to admit....I am afraid....and admit as well its really hard to trust God while I am hundreds of miles away and can't go and be with my dad....and my family. My dad is my world and the most important man in my life--and thats what all makes it even harder.

Please pray for my daddy....that if its the Lord's will its not cancer....that he will not have to undergo any more treatments....pray for my mom to be strong through all this I can't imagine how hard it is for her to be going though this....and pray for my sister and I as we go through this as well--