Lessons from Childhood

This blog post has been on my mind for a long time...I knew what I wanted to say in my mind--I knew what my heart felt, but getting it on paper is the hardest thing. I also have to admit I didn't want to write it because its hard to "talk" about. So here we go---ready?! I don't think I am. 

Growing up was hard. My parents were wonderful, supportive, helped me academically, gave me the food I needed to eat, taught me to love God, taught me right vs. wrong--they were part of who I am today. I had all these wonderful things, but growing up was still hard...you may ask why. The answer is---the way I looked. I grew up being stared at, being laughed at, being called names, having lots of questions asked to me at a young age. The question was "What is wrong with your nose?" That question haunted me for years--to the point that I didn't care the way I looked because all people saw was my big, fat, ugly nose. I was called ugly, the boys laughed at me, the girls made fun, adults stared, kids stared. I finally asked my dad, "What do I say when people ask me whats wrong with my nose?" Dad's reply was, "Tell them God made you that way." So I did, half-heardedly told them that is the way God made me." But it still wasn't easy. There were all these gorgeous girls around me--guys paying attention to them---then there was me...plain Becca...well we will leave it at that. It was hard. I couldn't help it though because that is how God made me. 

In 9th grade, I had surgery but the doctor couldn't remove the entire neuroma--only part of it. It looked better--but still wasn't a pretty sight. Then college came...once again I was plagued with stares. I also worked with a bunch of kids and they asked ALL THE TIME...."Whats wrong with your nose?" Then it all came back to me--the memories of being made fun of---I also hated the way I looked. I wished there was a way to change it. There were times I would close my eyes and imagine myself looking "normal." But then something happened...I was at a breaking point. I snapped. I literally lost it---that is a whole other story. The day I lost it, dad took me on a drive. We talked. It helped, but it was still hard. I finally came to the point that I had to start liking myself and the way I looked. I started taking better care in the way I looked, took the time to do my hair, and apply makeup. I decided people can stare but I am "fearfully and wonderfully made." God made me this way for a reason--not sure why, and how He will use it for his glory, but he made me this way for a reason. I changed my attitude and learned to accept it. I see people every day who may not be the prettiest  or most good looking people---but I learn from personal experience to look past it. There could be something going on in their life, they may have had a bad day, they may just need a smile. Every one is beautiful in their own unique way. 

I have learned to laugh at myself, learned that there will people who will accept me and people who won't, learned that having a quirky sense of humor is the easiest way to help people look past my flaws, and learned to SMILE--always smile. A smile can make anyone's day. 

I have also learned that judging someone by the way they look isn't always what it seems. A person can be ugly or "different" and have the biggest heart out of anyone. A person can be beautiful and be mean, ugly, and a snob. Looks aren't always everything---its what is on the inside that counts. 

Lord, Send Me Anywhere

I haven't talked much about some hopes and dreams I have had for awhile. I have a lot of dreams--like going to Paris, getting married, having a family, and traveling the world. What can I say I am a dreamer--I can be caught daydreaming or talking about things I want to do. Over the past year, the dream--and hope and wishes of going into foreign missions has dwindled for a number of reasons. For one, I am very comfortable where I am right now. Second, I have been willing (unfortunately) to give up the fact I want to go to the foreign mission field to teach just so I can do what I want to do. Third, I am afraid, nervous, and unsure where to go and what to do. When I was in elementary school I talked and talked about being a missionary. Trust me, you can ask my teachers. I would talk about being a doctor on the mission field.. I would talk about being a nurse on the mission field. I would talk about being a teacher. When I was in high-school I dedicated my life to be a missionary--whether it was to stay here in America or go to another country. This time last year, I wanted to go to Africa, Germany, or to some third world country to teach boys and girls. Then something happened...that desire went away. I thought about it-- a lot. But then I thought, "No its not for me" or "No I don't want to." During the past few weeks, after a lady in my parents church asked me about my still wanting to go to Africa it hit me--I haven't thought about it for months. That desire to go help the Whitfields or the Coleys one summer dwindled away like a flame of a candle being blown out. The Lord is bringing that desire back. I still want to be a missionary outside of America--someday. I want to be willing to go anywhere. For now, the Lord is preparing me for this as Jacksonville, Florida, is my mission field at the moment. I pray that someday whether single or married I will be willing to go anywhere. I want to live out my life verse--Isaiah 6:8.

"When I Fall in Love"

I am 30, single, and content. I cannot trade this life for anything. I was asked this past week if I have ever had a "first love." My reply was, "No, I want my first love to be the man I marry." Which is true--I want to love one man, and give one man my heart. For now, my Prince--Jesus--holds my heart, and when that time comes for me to give a heart to someone I hope its to my one and only. The following song comes to my mind---

This is an encouragement every time I read this....I hope hope whoever the Lord has out there for me asks God for me before anything--I want God's Will. I hope someday though that "prince" will come. 

2012-2013 School Year, My Sixth Year of Teaching

In 2007, the Lord led me to Victory Christian Academy. I was unsure, apprehensive, and scared when I first moved here wondering what the Lord had for me. Six years later-over 100 student's lives touched, eight classes (the two years I had two classes in the am and pm)--and lots of smiles, hugs, tears, and kisses I have completed my sixth year of teaching. It is hard to believe how far the Lord has brought me.

This year was wonderful. I prayed over my class during the summer and the kids who would be in my classroom. Summer came and went--August came and it was time to prepare my classroom for school. I was busy filling the walls with apple themed things, making a tissue paper tree bullitain board, and making a special room for my kids to come in. The week before school I had a 18 kids (if I remember correctly), then the day before school--19 kids. WOW 19 kids--I couldn't complain because I prayed for them. The school year started--parents came in with wide eyed kids...some of them scared. I was nervous....thankfully I knew some of the kids/parents already. After the parents left I looked at my class from the door and took a deep breath. I felt overwhelmed all of a sudden....a few days later the Lord blessed me with Jenny--a senior girl who came in twice a week and helped me sort papers, look through them, and with other odds and ends. The school year was in full swing---my kids were doing great and I was one happy teacher. In January, the Lord blessed me with one more student---which totaled to 20 kids! I had 20 kids in my class!!

What a fantastic year we had--making apple sauce, learning to read, math, science, Christmas party, valentines, 100 day, circus day, teddy bear day, spring fling day, graduation, field day, the zoo,and our end of the year party. As I said goodbye to my kids--with a big hug and a kiss on the forehead I was teary eyed....I felt like a piece of my heart was going away with these "little blessings."

I pray as my students go on to first grade they remember a teacher who loved them very much. A teacher who made the center of her world "her kids." I am thankful for the awesome group of parents who were supportive and easy to work along side. I hope that each student saw Jesus in my own life-and I hope 12 years down the road I can see them graduate from high-school and venture off to do what the Lord has planned for their life.

Its Graduation Night!

May 24, 2013, my third kindergarten class graduated. They were excited, full of energy, and nervous. Here are a few pics, and more to come once I get some more....

Calling my student's names. :) Yes I was nervous. 

A dozen roses from my students and parents :)

One of my graduates and I 

Silly Faces

Love this girl--gunna miss her sweet smile in my class

My friend, Sarah

My kids marching in

I love directing

Totally focused

 

Ready to march across the stage

Smiles because we made it! 

Mother's Day 2013

I love my ministry in Florida. I miss my family in North Carolina. I wish I were in the generation of Star Trek where I can beam myself from place to place in a matter of minutes. Unfortunately, I can't....so I spent Mother's Day away from my mom. I miss being home for Mother's Day. When I was in college it became a tradition for me to cook dinner for my mom---a day she didn't have to spend in the kitchen. These days I celebrate by sending mom a sweet card,  call her, and post of  Facebook how much I appreciate my mother. Thankfully, the Lord has put many mother figures in my life at my church in Florida. I enjoy going around my church hugging the older ladies and wishing them a Happy Mother's Day. Today in church some mothers and daughters sang "My Mother's Gentle Love." 

I have a video I want to share....but need to get it off my phone first. :-)