Three more Tuesdays...thats it after this...three more Tuesdays then I will have my operation. People at church ask how I am feeling about it....
MIXED EMOTIONS: this is a BIG change...I mean the doctor is removing the right side of my nose then rebuilding it...scary---I wish I knew what it would look like after he's done...but THAT my friend will be a surprise even to me...I think am I doing the right thing? I think am I ready for this. I've even had thoughts of I don't want to do this....is this the Lord's Will?
NERVOUSNESS: nervous about being "put under"--- nervous about the pain...nervous about how I am going to look after the surgery
EXCITED- The years and years of my parents and friends suggesting I have surgery again and not wanting to and finally seeing how the Lord has worked it ALL out in HIS timing....excited about the possibility of looking normal and not being scared or embarrased to go out in public....to go to visitation....to think they are staring....
Worried: how am I going to pay for a expensive operation even though insurance is helping with it...but deep down I know the Lord will provide and I try NOT to worry.
But then I look at myself in the mirror and I do not see a big nose on the right side, nor a crooked mouth....I see someone that God made special and someone that God is allowing to have a surgery and a normal nose a young girl has so longed for for many years.
As I write this there is only 21 days until my surgery...seemed like yesterday it was over 100!!! (maybe if I am brave enough I will post before, recovering, and after pics--but better yet maybe just before and after!)
So excited for you to have your surgery... just keep your heart focused on Him and He will work it all out beautifully in His timing. I understand being scared about "going under". Just keep bringing that to Him, and resting in His peace. He wants what is good for us!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement and reminder Elizabeth! I guess part of my apprehension comes from the fisr time I had surgery and I had my hopes up that he would make everything look better and the final outcome wasn't what I expected...But yes as you say God is in control and I need to rest in Him. =)
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