"Boy Crazy Girl"

Saw this today and thought it was great! It has taken me a long time to be content in my singleness and realize that God is all I need. May I be the kind of girl that HE wants me to be. 

Long Week....Reflective Week....Hard Week...

What can I say...I am an honest person. I have to admit this has NOT been the easiest week to get through. For one, it dragged by like a turtle walking along the road. My students were...well lets just say I tried to be very patient to say the least. My body was here in Florida, but my heart and mind was in North Carolina (in case you were wondering if I were so dazed and out of it).

For one, I have come to realized I have had a very bad attitude....negative, pessimistic, and complaing attitude about EVERYTHING that came by way... school, my roommate, and things going on around me....After a Christmas break of a lot of complaing and grumpiness I came to realize the "happy go lucky Becca" had gone on her own vacation for months. The Lord has really been working on my heart to have a better attitude about things. Once the Lord really started working on my heart and I talked to Joanna, Amy, and some other people that hard shell started to peel away---and I have to admit its still peeling away slowly---VERY slowly. It is kinda funny...I was talking to a dear friend about this and she admitted that she had seen the same thing....and was worried about me and didn't want to say anything. Please pray as I try to be the joyful and thanful person I need to be.
This reflective part of the week has caused me to enjoy having a roommate again, trying not to have my own solitude and lock myself up in my room. The greatest thing I FINALLY talked to Joanna (my roommate) about it and everything took a wonderful turn. I was able to talk to her again like I wanted to....spend time with her...and be thankful for this wonderful, kind, patient, and loving roommate into my life. She has been a blessing to me--even today I sat down in her room as she was packing for a trp and told her about my dad....shared my heart with her---which is very hard to do since some circumstances came into my life----and life a TRUE friend and sister in Christ she prayed right there and then with me about my dad and that he will be okay and that I find the perfect peace and comfort while I am away.

The hardest part of my week was not being able to go home to NC to be with my daddy today for his surgery. Today especially was very emotional...on the outside I was smiling and pretending to be happy when on the outside I was crying and sad. It took me all afternoon to clean my classroom because I had so much on my mind.

I have also come to realize I have become spiritually stagnent. I feel that I am at a standstill in my life and I know the Lord is trying to pull me toward His Word. The "worldly" part of me wants to do my thing and make other things a priority when I should making God the priority in my life.

As I just wrote all the above I know one reason why I feel the way I do....grumpy, negative, and a bad attitude...I have been struggling spiritually....I am thankful though that no matter what God is always there to guide me. He is always there to be Patient. Even though I can be away from Him and not spend my quality time with Him--He is always there no matter what---Through every struggle and heartache--HE IS THERE.

I apologize for my ramblings and randomness....ALOT has been on my heart lately.

Five Minute Friday: Roar

It has been a LONG time since I have written with my five minute Friday friends. The weeks go by, I look at the topics and have writers block....even if I sit and think about what to write. But this topic this week is what is going inside my heart at the moment....a roaring.

Several years ago the most important man in my life, my dad, was diagnosed with sarcoma. As being a daddy's girl and my dad being my hero this was hard--of course I know it would be hard for any one to have any family or friend with cancer. I HATE cancer...I hate the word cancer.

My dad went into remission then several months later the cancer came back....they had to do a second surgery. The tumor came back as cancer again. There was roaring inside my soal to be mad at GOD and the doctors. I dd not know what to do except to pray....and really turn to God.

This fall dad had his port cath taken out---my mind thinks "yay!!! dad is done with cancer!!!"

THEN....December comes and he has an MRI and they found a suspiscious spot....guess what...yep you're right he has to have surgery again. My heart is sad, I don't know what to do...I have an intent to return to fill out for next year.....and then my heart feels like this cycle is beginning again....

I know in my heart that I shouldn't get ahead of myself---but being honest it is....I mean in my mind I am having a lot of roaring "what ifs." But there is also another roaring in my heart that it may not be really anything...that maybe dad will be okay....that maybe its a malignent tumor this time.....

I have to admit....I am afraid....and admit as well its really hard to trust God while I am hundreds of miles away and can't go and be with my dad....and my family. My dad is my world and the most important man in my life--and thats what all makes it even harder.

Please pray for my daddy....that if its the Lord's will its not cancer....that he will not have to undergo any more treatments....pray for my mom to be strong through all this I can't imagine how hard it is for her to be going though this....and pray for my sister and I as we go through this as well--