What can I say...I am an honest person. I have to admit this has NOT been the easiest week to get through. For one, it dragged by like a turtle walking along the road. My students were...well lets just say I tried to be very patient to say the least. My body was here in Florida, but my heart and mind was in North Carolina (in case you were wondering if I were so dazed and out of it).
For one, I have come to realized I have had a very bad attitude....negative, pessimistic, and complaing attitude about EVERYTHING that came by way... school, my roommate, and things going on around me....After a Christmas break of a lot of complaing and grumpiness I came to realize the "happy go lucky Becca" had gone on her own vacation for months. The Lord has really been working on my heart to have a better attitude about things. Once the Lord really started working on my heart and I talked to Joanna, Amy, and some other people that hard shell started to peel away---and I have to admit its still peeling away slowly---VERY slowly. It is kinda funny...I was talking to a dear friend about this and she admitted that she had seen the same thing....and was worried about me and didn't want to say anything. Please pray as I try to be the joyful and thanful person I need to be.
This reflective part of the week has caused me to enjoy having a roommate again, trying not to have my own solitude and lock myself up in my room. The greatest thing I FINALLY talked to Joanna (my roommate) about it and everything took a wonderful turn. I was able to talk to her again like I wanted to....spend time with her...and be thankful for this wonderful, kind, patient, and loving roommate into my life. She has been a blessing to me--even today I sat down in her room as she was packing for a trp and told her about my dad....shared my heart with her---which is very hard to do since some circumstances came into my life----and life a TRUE friend and sister in Christ she prayed right there and then with me about my dad and that he will be okay and that I find the perfect peace and comfort while I am away.
The hardest part of my week was not being able to go home to NC to be with my daddy today for his surgery. Today especially was very emotional...on the outside I was smiling and pretending to be happy when on the outside I was crying and sad. It took me all afternoon to clean my classroom because I had so much on my mind.
I have also come to realize I have become spiritually stagnent. I feel that I am at a standstill in my life and I know the Lord is trying to pull me toward His Word. The "worldly" part of me wants to do my thing and make other things a priority when I should making God the priority in my life.
As I just wrote all the above I know one reason why I feel the way I do....grumpy, negative, and a bad attitude...I have been struggling spiritually....I am thankful though that no matter what God is always there to guide me. He is always there to be Patient. Even though I can be away from Him and not spend my quality time with Him--He is always there no matter what---Through every struggle and heartache--HE IS THERE.
I apologize for my ramblings and randomness....ALOT has been on my heart lately.
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