It has been a LONG time since I have written with my five minute Friday friends. The weeks go by, I look at the topics and have writers block....even if I sit and think about what to write. But this topic this week is what is going inside my heart at the moment....a roaring.
Several years ago the most important man in my life, my dad, was diagnosed with sarcoma. As being a daddy's girl and my dad being my hero this was hard--of course I know it would be hard for any one to have any family or friend with cancer. I HATE cancer...I hate the word cancer.
My dad went into remission then several months later the cancer came back....they had to do a second surgery. The tumor came back as cancer again. There was roaring inside my soal to be mad at GOD and the doctors. I dd not know what to do except to pray....and really turn to God.
This fall dad had his port cath taken out---my mind thinks "yay!!! dad is done with cancer!!!"
THEN....December comes and he has an MRI and they found a suspiscious spot....guess what...yep you're right he has to have surgery again. My heart is sad, I don't know what to do...I have an intent to return to fill out for next year.....and then my heart feels like this cycle is beginning again....
I know in my heart that I shouldn't get ahead of myself---but being honest it is....I mean in my mind I am having a lot of roaring "what ifs." But there is also another roaring in my heart that it may not be really anything...that maybe dad will be okay....that maybe its a malignent tumor this time.....
I have to admit....I am afraid....and admit as well its really hard to trust God while I am hundreds of miles away and can't go and be with my dad....and my family. My dad is my world and the most important man in my life--and thats what all makes it even harder.
Please pray for my daddy....that if its the Lord's will its not cancer....that he will not have to undergo any more treatments....pray for my mom to be strong through all this I can't imagine how hard it is for her to be going though this....and pray for my sister and I as we go through this as well--
how funny of God to link us together. i have never read your blog before but i was dutifully following Gypsy Mama's request that we comment on the person before 's blog so i came here.
ReplyDeletemy dad also has cancer. it has come back 3 times. we are in stage 4 . he is in chemo again. last time we didn't think he would make it but he did! and of course we are praying that this time. i know the word hate very well. i know the concern about your mom. i have no siblings so i have no one to share this with, even tho i am married. it seems no one gets it unless it is their daddy. i'll pray for you and yours and ask the same. ~hugs
Sending my prayers up and out for you/yours and Mrs.Lewis' lot as well ~ may the Lord hear our collective prayers
ReplyDeleteCancer is ugly! I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad and all that he and your family is going through. Praying!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about being angry. We'll never really understand why things like this happen, even when we think we do.
ReplyDeleteI'll pray too.
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